


Just a Tutor

by svgarb0xx



Category: CrankGameplays - Fandom, Crankiplier - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: College AU, Eventual Smut, First Kiss, First Meeting, First Time, Gay Panic, I have no idea how to tag, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Pining, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut, Strangers to Lovers, but also horny, ethan is nervous all the time, mark is a softie, mika is supportive mom friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:08:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24031783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svgarb0xx/pseuds/svgarb0xx
Summary: Ethan was so excited to be moving away - to L.A. nonetheless - for school. His small hometown in southern Maine felt like a speck of dirt compared to the sprawling cityscape of Los Angeles. He felt like anything could happen. He felt like his life was finally looking up.
Relationships: Mark Fischback/Ethan Nestor
Comments: 32
Kudos: 268





	1. The Bachelor

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first multi chapter fic AND i’ve never posted my writing anywhere before :) 
> 
> obligatory i drink my respecting relationships juice notice: i love Amy and Mika and i totally respect Mark and Ethan and in no way do i actually expect them to be together somehow, i’ve just shipped them for like 4 years and since Unus Annus is really delivering with the content i figured now would be the time to write something!
> 
> sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes, inconsistencies, or inaccuracies. i wrote this in a really weird sequence so i hope it works. 
> 
> enjoy ( ˘ ³˘) <3

Ethan was so excited to be moving away - to L.A. nonetheless - for school. His small hometown in southern Maine felt like a speck of dirt compared to the sprawling cityscape of Los Angeles. He felt like anything could happen. He felt like his life was finally looking up. And the weather, god he couldn’t possibly ask for anything better. He could start anew and make something of himself doing exactly what he wanted to; majoring in sound engineering was going to rocket him toward the film editing career he had always dreamed of.  
The campus was fantastic, sprawling green lawns and ancient brick buildings with lecture hall bigger than Ethans house. He had moved into the dorms early and was pleasantly surprised at how nice they were, resembling apartments more than classic dorms. He got along great with his roommate, Mika, a junior, which was a plus. The only downfall, he soon realized, was her dragging his scared little freshman self to far too many frat parties on and off campus. L.A. kids sure did know how to party; there was never any shortage of drugs, alcohol, and sex. He was always too scared to take part, fearing what he would end up involved in. This is where the problem arose. A problem that had never really bothered Ethan much in Maine, but now it wouldn’t stop nagging at him. Sure he had been to ‘parties’ back home but he was never big into drinking, and he had only smoked weed a couple times. Worst of all: he was a virgin. He felt viciously inexperienced in this new environment.  
He loved Mika, but her incessant need to bring people home was starting to drain him. At least once a month there was someone new standing in the kitchen in the morning, acting surprised to see Ethan when he stumbled out of his room in his pajamas. The attempts to act innocent were lost on him. He wanted to yell ‘I heard everything!’ but he kept his mouth shut. Admitting it would only worsen the blow on himself. He was never able to subdue his emotions when he heard the sighs and moans flooding through the walls from the room next to his. He had gotten off to it more than once, but he mostly felt shame and confusion. He didn’t understand what it took for people like Mika to so easily bring home lines of men and women who seemed to be waiting at the door for her. What was he doing wrong? Sure he had gotten attention for his looks before, and there was an instance of light petting in his friends basement that one time junior year but ... shit, he was pathetic.  
He supposed the problem was his own confusion. He had realized before he had even left highschool that his attraction to women was weak. In the beginning, he always thought it was normal - he had never been told otherwise. His private nature kept him from discussing such personal topics with his friends and family, deciding to keep the battling thoughts inside his head. He just couldn’t decide; was he gay? No, he thought, there’s no way. He had to look at himself in the mirror and say it out loud, letting himself hear it and accept it.  
“I think I’m bisexual.” Now, instead of the mirror, he was facing Mika on the couch, the TV blaring out some stupid soap opera they had been marathoning. Ethan’s thoughts had been elsewhere the whole time. She jerked to attention now, fumbling for the remote and muting the TV.  
“What?” She asked. Her tone less confused and more disbelieving. He knew this was something he could talk about. After coming face to face with the girl he sat next to in biology class in his kitchen this past Sunday morning, he knew Mika would understand.  
“I think,” He swallowed the nerves clogging his throat, “I’m bi.”  
There was a pause, like Mika was waiting for him to say something else, but she broke it with a gleaming smile.  
“Ethan,” She crooned in a motherly tone, “That’s great!”  
His heart relaxed. Untensing his muscles, he gave a sigh of relief.  
Mika patted his arm, “How long have you known?” She asked calmly.  
Ethan’s thoughts jumped over themselves trying to think of when he first realized.  
“M- I don’t know... maybe a year?” He questioned.  
“Oh, well have you tried something with a guy... just to test it?” Her question seemed nonchalant, like it was easy to just pick up a random man off the street and expect him to want to fuck Ethan.  
“I’m a virgin” Ethan blurted.  
Fuck.  
He didn’t mean to say that.  
He felt his face turn bright red, quickly looking back to the TV. Mika’s eyebrows shot up, her mouth curled around a held back laugh. “How?” She suddenly sounded surprised “You. A virgin. How? You’re so cute!” She pinched his cheek in a loving way. “If I wasn’t basically your mother, I would have fucked you a long time ago.”  
Ethan thought he may have swallowed his tongue.  
“Mika...” he tried to convey a tone of annoyance but his voice shook with nerves.  
“That’s far beside the point,” She continued, “So, you’ve never had a girlfriend?”  
“Not a serious one.”  
“If you’re - Have you ever come close to .. ya’know?” She wondered. He thought that from anyone else that would sound like an offensive question, but Mika had a way of phrasing things that never made them sound condescending.  
“Not really?” Ethan’s voice squeaked up at the end, forming an exaggerated question. He didn’t really know what she meant by ‘close’. How close was ‘close’ to her?  
“Like, you’ve kissed someone?”  
“Yeah,” Ethan fiddled with the hem of his pajama shorts.  
“Girls and guys?”  
“Yeah,”  
“Ever seen some boobs in person?”  
“Yeah,”  
“Ever... seen a dick in person?” She asked slower, “Other than your own of course.”  
There was a pause, “No.” Ethan’s blush deepened.  
God, what if he was wrong? He’d never even done anything with anyone and he was trying to claim he was bisexual. This was stupid, this was a stupid conversation. He shouldn’t have said anything.  
“Hey, that’s ok.” Mika said soothingly, sensing Ethan’s spiraling thoughts. “Nobody else knows?”  
Ethan shook his head. He couldn’t stand the prospect of trying to tell his parents, or his brother. The thought made his stomach flip in the worst way.  
“Do you,” Mika stopped herself, seemingly collecting her thoughts, “Do you wanna try? Cuz I know some people,” Suddenly her expression brightened. “Like the bachelor!”  
Ethan laughed at that.  
“The bisexual bachelor,” Mika giggled at herself. “But, Eth, I mean it.” She said.  
There was a long silent pause. He trusted Mika, right? Right. He trusted Mika.  
“I mean, sure.” A laugh bubbled out of him, a wave of anxiety splashing over him. God, was this really happening? He felt like he was in a fever dream.

It had been a little over a week since the conversation. He and Mika had many more after that, discussing types, women and men. She had brought up a few prospecting choices but Ethan had turned them down. He could barely tell if it was because he was so nervous or if it was because he truly wasn’t interested. He’d been fighting with himself for the past few days trying to wrap his head around what to do. Was this wrong? Playing bachelor to give away Ethan’s virginity? God, he didn’t care anymore. He was so tired of thinking he wasn’t good enough, he was so ready for a change.  
He was tapping his pencil distractedly against his lip, deep in contemplation with the words on the textbook page in front of him. The library was relatively quiet. It was hard to keep the noise down in such a giant space, any small squeak of a chair or flip of a page echoing around the high mahogany ceilings. Ethan loved the library though, he was there at least three times a week to study.  
He finished the last paragraph of the chapter and scribbled down a few notes in the margin, swapping his pencil for a highlighter and lining important words. He turned to his computer, typing out a few more sentences for his paper and scrolling back up to reread his writing.  
His mind wandered as he stared at the electronic text. ‘The bisexual bachelor’ had been nagging the back of his mind every second he wasn’t thinking about class.  
He forced his attention back to the words on his screen. His eyes flipped between the book and the screen, trying to conjure words from thin air. This assignment wasn’t treating him very well. Ethan leaned back in his chair, head lolling back, and pressed his palms to his eyes, letting out a groan of annoyance. A few seconds passed, pressing on his eyes so hard he saw stars.  
“Hey,”  
Ethan jumped at the unfamiliar voice. A low rumble of a voice that made his stomach flip. He sat up, blinking rapidly to retrieve his vision.  
“You look like you need some help. What’s up?”  
Ethan was awestruck by the man in front of him. Short black hair curled slightly at the ends, his dark facial hair was trimmed to define his jaw. A pair of round glasses sat on his nose and behind them two soft black eyes, darker than any Ethan had seen before. He smiled slightly, flashing perfect white teeth. He leaned one arm onto the table to ease himself into the seat across from him and Ethan could tell even through his black hoodie that his body was thick with muscle. His stomach exploded with butterflies and he made a silent prayer that his blush wasn’t too harsh.  
“Uh, um,” Ethan tore his eyes away from the stranger and back to his book. “Uh, y-yeah just trying to write this biology paper,”  
“Oh, you’re a freshman,” came the quiet reply.  
Ethan could feel himself starting to sweat. Holy shit this was the hottest man he’d ever seen and he’d just waltzed over to Ethan on his own accord. Ethan could barely contain himself, thoughts running wild and leg beginning to bounce with nerves.  
“Yeah, I just moved here all the way from Maine.” Ethan had to use all of the available effort in his body to stop his voice from shaking.  
“Wow, that’s far!” The man’s voice raised an octave in surprise. “I’m Mark,” A hand was offered across the table for Ethan. It took him a moment to register a handshake, staring at Mark’s outstretched fingers. Ethan cautiously placed his shaking palm against Mark’s, praying the other man couldn’t feel the fact that Ethan was basically vibrating with anxiety. His heart leapt at the warm touch of his hand and Ethan felt rough callouses across Mark’s palm.  
“Ethan.”  
God, he was so excitable, he needed to calm down. He felt like the room must have been 100 degrees with the way he was sweating.  
“Ethan, I like that. Well, I’m a senior. I tutor underclassmen,” Mark informed him. “I can help you if you want..”  
The butterflies in Ethan’s stomach stirred.  
“Yeah, that would actually be great,” He sighed, giving Mark a thankful look. The older man smiled, leaning both elbows on the table.  
“Alright, what are you struggling with?”  
An hour and a half later Ethan left the library with the best biology paper he’d ever written and plans to come back to the library every Thursday night at 8 for miscellaneous tutoring from Mark. 

“Mika!” The door to their dorm apartment slammed behind him. He slung his book bag to the floor by the door and toed off his shoes.  
“Ethan!” Came her enthusiastic reply. Her head popped out from her open bedroom door.  
“Mika, I found him,” He swooned, sliding his laptop onto their small kitchen table. “Oh my god Mika he’s perfect.” He babbled.  
“Found who? What?” She came out into the kitchen and leaned against the counter.  
Ethan stared at her for a long moment, beaming with excitement as he taped his fingers against his thighs and wiggled his socked toes.  
“Oh! Do you mean-“  
“The bachelor! Mikaaaaa,” He rushed forward and leaned on the counter next to her. He could see her expression bloom with joy “I was in the library, and I was writing my biology paper, and I was having such a hard time.” He pauses to open the fridge, checking for some water. He grabs a bottle and continues “And this senior came over, and he said he tutors in the library, and he sat with me for an hour,” A rush of giddiness crashed over Ethan “And I just wrote the best biology paper I’ve ever written Mika, he’s so smart, and he so handsome.”  
“What’s his name?”  
“Mark,”  
Mika’s eyes shot open wide “Mark? Mark Fischbach? You, and Mark.” Mika smiled wider than Ethan had ever seen.  
“Oh, baby,” She crooned in her telling, motherly tone.  
“What’s wrong with that?” Ethan suddenly felt like a deflating balloon.  
“Might want to shoot a little lower for your first time,” She laughed through her words, “Everyone and their mother wants him.”  
The last of the air escaped the balloon. Ethan’s shoulders slumped heavily.  
“But-“ He started, and Mika seemed to catch on to his defeated mood. She was always great at sensing his downward spirals;  
“Oh, but don’t worry! We can still try!” She nodded vigorously. “We’ll still try, obviously.” She assured him.  
Ethan gave her a sideways glance, uncapping his water bottle. After Mika’s initial reaction he wasn’t so sure how this would ever be possible.  
“Okay...” He managed in a small voice.  
Mika had spent so long hyping him up that he felt like he could have just picked anyone, but he supposed he shouldn’t have been so naive.  
If Mark was so special, he probably shouldn’t bother. Anyway, he must have a girlfriend walking around looking like that. Ethan’s heart thumped just thinking of it. He felt stupid.  
“Don’t worry Eth,” Mika said, patting his shoulder as he took a sip of his water. “I’m promising you right now that by the end of the semester you’ll get it.”  
Somehow, he trusted Mika.


	2. Thursday Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> me? projecting all of my anxious crush energy onto Ethan? i would never. ;)

Thursday rolled around and Ethan stared at the clock, impatiently awaiting his 8pm tutor session with Mark. He only had one class on Thursdays: art history, 12-2. It left him with little to do because the professor didn’t give much work outside of the studio - and what little work was given, Ethan found offensively easy. When he got home from class at 2:15, he was alone in the dorm. He had milled around the kitchen for an hour making spaghetti and saving half of it for Mika. He watched a couple episodes of a new show a classmate had recommended. He attempted to read a few pages of a book due for psychology. His mind couldn’t stop racing no matter how hard he tried to get into some kind of hyper-focus state. His ADHD was driving him wild. By 6 Ethan resorted to pacing across the linoleum in the tiny kitchen. He spent nearly half an hour walking back and forth, psyching himself up and trying to convince himself it was going to be fine. At 6:35 exactly (she was always on time) Mika unlocked the door.   
Ethan stopped pacing in the middle of the kitchen. They looked at each other.  
“You alright?,” She asked, putting her bag down and taking a step forward.   
“Mika,” He sighed “I feel stupid.”   
“No need to,” She pet his shoulders lovingly, holding him at arms length. “Just focus on the work you’re gonna be doing. He’s a nice guy, Ethan.”   
Ethan made a whine-like noise, feigning a childlike temper tantrum.   
“I can’t stop thinking about him,” Ethan admitted. They hadn’t talked much about Mark since last Thursday, when they had first met.  
Mika had told him Mark was a technology engineer major, and that he was going for his masters at the end of this semester. He basically had a perfect GPA and was a volunteer tutor in the library. She didn’t know much more than that other than Mark was popular for his smarts - and obviously stunning good looks.   
Mika let out a light laugh “Ethan’s got a crush!” She sang quietly.   
Ethan laughed but felt himself blush. Phrasing it like that made Ethan feel like a teenager again. He supposed he still was one, 19 wasn’t exactly an adult.  
He suddenly felt very intimidated.   
They sat together at the tiny kitchen table while Mika ate her leftover spaghetti and discussed the work Ethan was going to bring to the tutor session. It was currently 7:24.   
The walk to the library was only about 15 minutes, but Ethan wanted to be on time. He went back into his room and swiped the stack of books and laptop off his desk, shoving it into his book bag.   
He quickly looked at himself in his full length mirror. Something akin to hysteria bubbled in his chest, spilling out in a bark of laughter. What the fuck did he think he was doing? He was a scrawny, tired looking little kid from Maine. And he wanted Mark. He pushed the heels of his palms into his eyes hard enough to see stars.   
Mark was his tutor. No matter what happened Ethan had a reason to go see him, and he couldn’t flake now, he’d feel guilty for wasting Mark’s time. He put his shoes on and pretended he didn’t feel like crying. 

The library was quieter after the sun went down. Ethan gently closed the door behind him, the old latch echoing in the large space. Everything in the library was dark; the walls, the tables, the chairs - all made of a deep mahogany wood. Now that the sun was dipping below the horizon the lighting inside came from countless small lamps on the tables and between the towering book cases. He strolled slowly between the empty tables, weaving in and out. He dragged his fingers gently across the worn fabric spines of a shelf of ancient encyclopedias. He suddenly felt himself quite silly for being so worked up. What was there to be so nervous about?  
Ethan made his way to the spiral staircase in the back corner that lead to the loft, exactly where Mark told him to meet. Ethan checked his phone as he ascended the last step. 7:50 exactly. Early is good, Ethan thought. It was much brighter up here, typically modern light fixtures hung from the ceiling above the desks. He moved between some book cases to the smattering of tables. He chose one close to the edge and looked down over the railing. From up here the bookcases looked small and the lights were little round puddles of yellow.   
“You’re early,”  
Ethan’s leapt, a bolt of adrenaline shooting through him. He instantly remembered why he’d been nervous.  
He turned quick and saw Mark setting some books down on the table across from him, a smile playing on his lips.   
“Heh, yeah...” Ethan took a moment to steady his thundering heart with a calming breath. “The walk from my dorm was shorter than I expected.” He lied.   
Mark hummed in recognition, a deep rumble from the back of his throat. He sat down across the table and Ethan couldn’t help but stare again. Mark wasn’t wearing his glasses this week and Ethan could see his face better. His clear skin made Ethan violently insecure of his few lingering pimples. He was wearing a red short-sleeve shirt that squeezed his arms and chest so perfectly it made Ethan sweat. He was right last time, Mark’s arms were twice the size of his own. He suddenly felt very small, and very young. This was wrong.  
“So what’s up today?” Mark asked, looking up at him and flashing his perfect teeth.   
Ethan was going to melt.  
“Uh,” Ethan snapped out of his trance as he stripped off his backpack, dropping it on the table with a thud. “More biology. And a little psychology.”   
“Oh great, I loved psych class.” Mark smiled, sliding the textbook toward himself as Ethan placed it on the table.  
“Did you get the grade back on that bio paper I helped you on last week?”   
Ethan blushed at the fact that Mark remembered what he had helped him with. Mika had claimed he was a pretty popular tutor.  
“I did actually,” Ethan smiled, “One of the best grades I’ve gotten in that class.”   
Mark smiles so big his eyes scrunch up, “That’s great, Ethan. What are you guys working on in class now?”   
Ethan sat across the table and explained the new unit to Mark, opening the textbook to the appropriate chapters. He showed Mark his assignment and they began working on it. After nearly an hour the assignment was close to finished and thanks to Mark, Ethan felt comfortable finishing it on his own.   
“Oh, is our time up?” Ethan asked concernedly, peeking at his phone.   
Mark looked at his watch wordlessly.   
“You need psych still, right?” His eyebrows furrowed.  
“Oh, I just- I thought. I don’t know I’ve never had a tutor before I thought it was usually just like an hour.” Ethan stuttered out.   
Mark chuckled a bit.   
Holy fucking shit, Ethan’s brain was screaming. Mark’s voice made Ethan’s chest buzz.   
“It’s fine Ethan, I want to help you.”   
His throat constricted at those words.   
“O- Oh ok.” Ethan’s face was burning. “You don’t have anyone else?”   
“Mmh, no. You’re my last, and the last girl’s hour ran short.”   
‘Hour.’ Ah, so Ethan was right.  
Jesus maybe this idea wasn’t as far fetched as he thought. Mark was willingly spending extra time with him.  
Ethan pushed the bio book aside and pulled the psych book forward.   
“This wasn’t so much, more of a strategy .. orrrrr shortcut?” Ethan flipped the book open, “And since you said you liked psych maybe you’d know... I just needed some help with operant and classical conditioning.”   
“Aha!” Mark exclaimed, “God, that was the hardest part.” he shook his head.  
Mark suddenly rose from his chair, coming around the table and placing himself heavily in the chair right next to Ethan.   
Every neuron in Ethan’s entire brain was activating his fight-or-flight response but he managed to fight his instinct, not flinching away when Mark leaned closer. Ethan’s body burned with adrenaline as Mark’s hand brushed across his. As the older man pointed to the lines of text on the page, delving into an explanation of the similarities and differences of operant and classical conditioning,  
Ethan’s brain played white noise at full volume.   
Mark was so close; Ethan could feel the heat radiating off of his shoulder. His thoughts wandered to what it would feel like to reach out and touch him. So warm, Ethan thought. He could just move his hand across the pages of the book and lace their fingers together. He remembered the callouses he felt on Mark’s palms when they first met. He wanted to feel them again. He wanted to feel Mark’s hands on his-   
“Does that make sense?” Mark’s deep timbre shook him out of his thoughts.   
Ethan’s mouth was too dry to answer and he forced a painful swallow.   
“Y-Yeah! Yes, actually that helps a lot, um, thank you.” Ethan smiled at Mark, who returned the gesture.   
“No problem,” Mark nodded, pushing himself out of his chair. Making his way back around the table he asked: “Is that all you needed tonight?” He stretched his arms out in front of him, triceps bulging against his shirt sleeves.   
Ethan took a deep breath, looking away quickly.   
“Uhm,” Ethan vocalized. He scanned the page in front of him like it was a WikiHow on containing your gay panic. “No...” He flipped the psych book closed. “I mean- Yes! Yeah sorry, yes. That’s all. I meant, no I don’t need anything else.” Ethan let out a laugh that was far too blatantly nervous for his taste.   
Mark laughed a bit too, a genuine sound that made Ethan’s heart swell.   
“Alright,” Mark collected the books he had placed on the table earlier. Aerospace Engineering Vol.IV, Ethan read one of the bindings. Oh, so Mark was SMART smart.   
Fuck.   
“Which building do you live in?” Mark questioned as Ethan shoved his books haphazardly into his bag.   
“I live in Oak,” Ethan began, about to add a ‘What about you?’ When Mark interrupted with a   
“Oh not far, I’ll walk with you.”   
Ethan felt like he’d just been shot point blank in the back of the head.   
“You really don’t have to,” He rushed to deny the offer, not wanted to waste Mark’s time seeing as it was nearly past 9:30 now. “If you live, far ... it’s okay.” Ethan didn’t know what he was trying to say. He felt like he needed the lonely walk in the cooling night air to ensure he didn’t implode before getting to tell Mika what happened.   
“I don’t live on campus,” Mark said easily, “But my apartment’s in that direction.”  
Of course, Ethan thought, how stupid of him.   
Ethan felt like if he didn’t move now, he was going to be a few heart beats away from an aneurism. He shook his head, slinging his book bag over his shoulder.   
“Ok,” He managed a smile.   
On the walk back, Mark asked Ethan about his dorm and his room mate. Ethan mused about how Mika was basically his mother, and that he really loved his room and the people on his floor. By the time they reached Oak’s front doors 15 minutes had felt like 5.   
They conversed so easily, Ethan noted. He wished they could talk more.   
Ethan turned to Mark to thank him, digging his keycard out of his pocket.   
Mark’s ‘tall, dark and handsome’ type look was only amplified by the golden light flooding through the windows of the dorm building. Fuck, Ethan wanted to kiss him. Fuck, fuck, fuck!   
Ethan wanted to let out a wild noise of frustration, but instead he landed on a timid   
“Thank you,” and a soft smile.   
“Yeah, of course,” Mark said “Oh, here let me give you my number. You can text me if you ever need some extra help on... not a Thursday.”   
Ethan’s heart thundered against his sternum. He couldn’t even make himself reply. Going into autopilot, he pulled his phone out and handed it to Mark, who punched his number into the contacts.   
Ethan felt like his whole body was blushing in embarrassment. What was going on? This felt so personal... No, Ethan reminded himself curtly, he’s just a tutor, this is normal.   
Mark handed his phone back and turned to leave, giving Ethan a small wave as he disappeared into the darkness. He’d put himself in as Mark F. (tutor) as if Ethan could forget.   
Ethan stood by himself in the warm L.A. night and stared at his shaking hands holding his phone. This was crazy, right? He felt so strange. Should he even let himself get hopeful? Or was his crush-crazed brain putting a filter on a perfectly normal situation.   
He scanned his keycard and trudged up the stairs, exhaustion weighing heavy on his back.   
He unlocked his dorm and stepped in quietly, dumping his bag and shoes at the door. Mika was in her room but her door was open. Ethan entered wordlessly.  
“What’s up, baby?” Mika looked away from her computer expectantly.   
Ethan flipped out his phone and unlocked it in one motion, dropping it onto her desk. She looked confused before pulling it closer. Mark’s contact was on the screen. Mika yelped in excitement, shooting out of her chair.   
“Ethan! You did it! You adorable little bastard!”


	3. Kappa Phi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this ones a rollercoaster, i’m so sorry.

Mika called it a celebration, Ethan called it too many people. It was Friday night and they were at a Kappa Phi party, Mika said it was to celebrate Ethan getting Mark’s number. He was skeptical, but went along anyway.   
The house was huge, practically qualifying as a maze with how many rooms occupied the building. But Ethan had to admit, of all of the frat houses they had gone to, Kappa Phi was his favorite. Not just for their parties, but for the fact that they actually kept the place clean. He didn’t fear for his well being when using the bathroom. Plus they usually had pizza.  
Right now, Ethan and Mika were dancing in the middle of the living room. There were so many people it felt like the crowd was a single shivering, panting beast. He was sweating already. Mika pulled his arms around her and twirled them, eliciting a giggle from Ethan.   
She smiled wide, “Have another drink, Eth,” She yelled over the music, motioning him toward the kitchen. “Loosen up, baby.”   
He had downed his whiteclaw pretty fast and was feeling a light buzz, but he knew it probably wasn’t going to last considering how low the alcohol content was, and how much pizza he had drowned it out with. Mika had mentioned to him that if he wanted to get absolutely shitfaced tonight, she would stay sober so they could get home safe. He trusted her, but had shrugged off the idea in the moment. Now though, he was hopped up on adrenaline from dancing, and his body was burning. He shimmied through the crowd, pulling Mika along by her hand. They popped out into the hallway and weaved through more people, reaching the kitchen. There was more space to move around here. Ethan grabbed another whiteclaw, cracking it open and quickly taking a few big gulps. He broke for breath and saw Mika looking at him from across the granite island.   
“What?” He asked, diving back in and dumping the rest of the claw down his throat.   
“Nothing you’re just funny,” She smiled “You always choose those things.” Feigning disgust she offered, “Let me make you something?”   
Ethan crushed the can against the counter and shot it into the garbage in the corner like a basketball.   
“Sure.” He said with a shrug.   
Mika clapped in excitement before grabbing a cup and hopping over to the liquor display. Apparently she was a mixologist, spilling all kinds of flavored liquor and juice into the cup.   
She handed it to Ethan, “I call this one, Questionable Decisions!”   
They both laughed openly, Ethan recovering from his giggles and sniffing the deep red liquid. It smelled like tropical fruit and hard liquor. Yum. Ethan grimaced before tilting his head back and downing half of it in one go. He sputtered into the cup, choking back the burning sensation in his throat.   
“Ooo, gross! You don’t have to drink it Eth,” Mika put her hands out in protest but Ethan turned his shoulder at her, quickly forcing the rest of the drink down.   
He coughed at the empty cup before setting it down on the counter.   
“You alright?” Mika asked   
“Loosen up, baby!” Ethan quoted her.   
He wasn’t feeling much different yet, but as they made their way back out into the hall and toward the dance floor, he felt the tangles of intoxication tickling the edges of his mind. 

Another whiteclaw and half hour later: Questionable Decisions was in full swing, stamping down Ethan’s inhibitions as he agreed to a second shot with a girl he’d never met before. Mika told him not to worry, that she would take care of him, so he took her ‘loosen up’ suggestion to heart. This was the most alcohol he’d ever consumed; although drunk Ethan was having the time of his life, sober Ethan’s voice nagged at the back of his head, telling him he was going to regret this tomorrow morning.   
He was leaning on Mika as she stumbled him down the hall to the bathroom.   
“Mikaaa,” He whined, reaching the door “I’ll miss you.” He cooed in his signature baby voice as he pushed the door open and slid inside.  
“I’ll miss you too, Eth. Don’t fall in.” She called after him. He giggled at her remark and paused to look at himself in the mirror. His face was flushed and his hair was sticking in all directions. He tried to flatten it down, but it only made it worse. His eyes looked glossy, and bluer than usual. Gosh, his eyes were a pretty color. He leaned close against the mirror to inspect his face, studying every detail. His cheeks were the rosiest pink he’d ever seen on himself.   
He concluded that drunk Ethan was cute Ethan. After balancing himself just long enough to pee and washing his hands, he turned to the door with newfound confidence.  
He struggled with the door for a moment, fiddling with the lock and eventually deciding it was a pull not a push. He stumbled into the hallway like a baby deer, looking around slowly,   
“Mika?” He called  
A few people looked at him, but none of them were Mika. He spun slowly, trying to focus his vision and make sure he wasn’t missing anything.   
“Oh,” Ethan moaned dejectedly, “She left meeee.” He started back down the hall toward the dance floor where they had spent most of their night. Sloppily weaving through the groups in the hall, he continued to call out for Mika but couldn’t find her anywhere. He ended up wedged into the belly of the dancing beast, getting bumped and tossed around like a rag doll.   
“Ethan?”   
“Mika?”  
No stupid, that wasn’t her.   
“M- Mmmmm.” Ethan spun, trying focus enough to find the source of the voice, “Mark?”   
“Right here,” A strong hand wrapped around his upper arm. He turned and bumped chest to chest with Mark. Oh. Ethan’s face was red for a different reason now. The smell of Mark’s musky cologne bombarded his nose, overpowering the thick scent of alcohol floating through the air. He stared at his own hand resting on Mark’s wide bicep.   
“Hello, earth to Ethan?” Mark shook Ethan’s arm ever so slightly to get his attention.   
“MWhat?” Ethan’s eyes raked unabashedly across Mark’s chest and up to his face, flashing between his eyes and his lips.   
He had on a short sleeve leopard print button down, the first few buttons hanging open, revealing a shining silver chain hanging past his collarbones. Ethan suddenly felt underdressed in his worn blue short sleeve.   
“Geez,” Mark rumbled, “Where’s Mika?”   
Ethan mentally swatted away the clouds gathering in his skull.   
“I don’ know... I’m looking for her. Are you looking for her? You know Mika?” He was suddenly confused. Hold on, what was happening? Why was Mark here?  
“Oh my god! Ethan!” He heard Mika’s familiar voice, dripping with relief. “Mark!” She bumped her way past a few more people and sidled up next to Ethan, taking hold of his other arm.  
“Ooh, Mika! You know Mark?” Ethan smiled wide, motioning to the older man.   
“I,” Mika laughed “Yes, Ethan, I know Mark.”   
Ethan hummed, gaze wandering back to Mark’s exposed chest, entranced by his shimmering chain.   
“Mark, I’m so sorry to ask this of you but,” Mika’s face twisted in worry “One of my friends just threw up and she lives right down the street, I’m going to run her home real quick. Can you watch Ethan?”   
Ethan looked between the two of them and Mark looked surprised,   
“If not thats totally fine, if you’re like, here with your girlfriend or something, I’ll just take him with me. It would just be faster if he stayed.” Mika clarified.   
“I - No, I’m just here with my room mate. I can babysit for a few if you need me to.” He said.  
“Oh, great! Thank you so much! I’ll like pay you, or something, later.” Mika was already disappearing into the crowd, “Behave for him, Ethan!” She reprimanded.  
“Oho, ok.” Ethan smiled, starting to feel giddy. Mark removed his grip on Ethan’s arm and slid his hand across the smaller’s shoulders, guiding him back toward where Mark had been standing.  
“Tyler, this is Ethan.” Mark introduced him   
“Ethan, Tyler is my room mate.” He leaned close to Ethan when he spoke, avoiding yelling over the music that was still shaking the house. Mark’s breath puffed against the side of Ethan’s neck, sending a spastic shiver down his spine. Ethan was suddenly and violently thankful for being inebriated, otherwise he may have just died of cardiac arrest. Instead, Ethan bumped Tyler’s arm with his shoulder, “You’re tall!” He yelled over the music.   
Tyler laughed at that “Thanks, I know!”   
“Why don’t we go sit somewhere quieter.” Mark suggested earning a nod from Tyler . He tugged Ethan by his hand through the crowd and he stumbled after. They made their way to a room on the other side of the house, the music was a tolerable volume and there were lots of chairs and couches to sit at. Mark sat on an empty couch and gently guided Ethan to sit next to him, Tyler occupying Ethan’s other side. Ethan suddenly felt very small, between Mark’s width and Tyler’s height Ethan thought he must look like a child. He supposed 5’7” 135lbs wasn’t a tough stat to beat though.   
But he was so warm. He subtly pressed his thigh against Mark’s, gravitating toward the man.  
“Ethan, how much have you had to drink?” Mark asked. Ethan looked at him with glossy eyes, giggling a little “I don’ know,” He answered, quirking an eyebrow. He realized Mark wasn’t holding a cup. “How much have you had to drink, mister?” Ethan asked incredulously, poking Mark’s leg.   
“None,” Mark answered simply, “Should you even be drinking, Ethan? How old are you?”   
Ethan’s eyes glued themselves to Mark’s chain, mesmerized by the rise and fall of it in sync with Mark’s breaths. It glinted so bright against his dark California tan.   
“‘Mm 19.” Ethan mumbled.  
Mark looked past Ethan and gave Tyler an exaggerated look that Ethan didn’t have the brainpower to read.   
“You feel ok?” Tyler asked, sounding as if he was holding back laughter.  
“Yeah!” Ethan hiccuped, “I actually feel sogood.” His head lolled back against the couch and his eyes closed involuntarily.   
Mark spoke past Ethan, continuing the conversation he and Tyler were having before they had to babysit. Suddenly the muffled ringing of a phone interrupted. Ethan lifted his head and peeled his eyes open, seeing Tyler reaching into his pocket and mumbling a low apology.  
“Hey what’s up, . . . No, it’s fine, what’s wrong? . . . Yeah, if you want me to,” Tyler checked his watch. Ethan leaned, attempting to peek at the time.   
“Wha’ time ‘sit?” He asked, words melting together.   
Tyler didn’t answer: “Yeah . . . Of course, of course, It’s not far I’ll just walk . . . Ok . . . Bye. Love you too.”   
“It’s almost 1,” Mark answered Ethan’s question before looking past him. “Was that Becca?”  
“Yeah, she wants me to come over,” Tyler said off-handedly.  
Ethan watched Mark’s mouth pull up into a sly smirk as Tyler’s weight lifted from the couch.   
“Well, looks like it’s about time to get going then,” Mark sighed. His hand reached up and rubbed roughly at Ethan’s upper back, causing the smaller to sway with the force.   
“Mmika,” Ethan drawled. He felt so tired now. When he and Mika had been dancing it was practically the only thing keeping him awake. Now the alcohol-pizza concoction in his stomach felt like a stone.   
“Don’t worry, I’ll take you home,” Mark got up quickly and Ethan had to catch himself from falling into the empty spot.   
He and Tyler exchanged goodbyes and Tyler gave Ethan a short wave,   
“Bye Ty-ler!” Ethan spoke around a hiccup.   
Mark heaved him up off the couch and caught him with his body, pressing Ethan against his own hip to keep him upright. Mark urged him along and when they reached the door Mark asked,  
“You have your phone?”  
Ethan nodded, smacking his back pocket to ensure its presence. Mark put his hand out expectantly and Ethan luckily had enough sense left in him to hand his phone over. Mark let go of Ethan and stepped away, opening his contacts and dialing Mika.  
As Mark put the phone to his ear Ethan could feel himself sobering just enough to assess the situation.   
He was with Mark, and he was absolutely shitfaced, and - fuck, Mark was so hot. Something bubbled deep in Ethan’s belly.   
Ethan caught wind of a “Yeah, just because it’s closer, and he can barely walk.”   
Mark was speaking into the phone quietly and his voice rumbled with the low frequency.   
Ethan’s eyes raked across Mark’s exposed chest again. He wanted to put his hands all over Mark’s skin and feel the muscles flex underneath. He stood there silently, swaying slightly and practically drooling, not listening to a word Mark and Mika exchanged.   
“Ethan,” Mark’s hand on his back shook him out of his stupor. His entire body was burning up and the addition of Mark’s warm hand on his back practically lit him on fire. “Hey, we’re gonna go to my apartment because it’s closer.” Mark’s tone was gentle and his hand urged Ethan forward. Ethan didn’t have the brains to protest and as long as he was somewhere other than here, all he needed to do was sleep. He was completely exhausted.   
As they managed down the sidewalk, Ethan slurred to Mark about what a great time he was having and how he was thankful for Mark.   
Mark barely responded, but when they crossed under a street lamp Ethan thought he saw Mark’s cheeks reddening.   
“Mmh,” Ethan hummed thickly, “Ya’know you’re so-“ Something in his brain hollered for him to stop and replace and word ‘hot’ with something else. “So,, good.” Ethan settled on.  
He giggled at his own words.  
“What’s what mean?” Mark chuckled.   
“Good.” Ethan repeated, turning it over in his head. “Everyone li-ke - likes you.” Ethan attempted to suppress another hiccup.   
Mark hummed, “I doubt it’s everyone,” He said with a smile.   
They came to a stop at the door of a large modern building. Mark took out a keycard and scanned it quickly, the door clinking at the unlock.   
“It is everyone!” Ethan protested.  
Mark laughed lightly at Ethan’s insistence but didn’t argue. When they entered the building they were in a large lobby, in the middle was a wide staircase that split at the top. Instead of getting in an elevator, Mark slid his arm around Ethan’s shoulders and urged him up. Ethan pressed closer, leaning his weight against Mark’s shoulders.  
“Immean it! Mika likesyou, and sh’knowsabout you. And, she told me, ‘Oh, Ethan, He’so popular!’” Ethan’s voice rose an octave higher, imitating Mika.   
“That’s very nice of her,” Ethan was so close to Mark that he could feel the rumble of his somber words in his own chest. He wanted to get closer. Closer, closer, closer-   
The click of a lock and the door in front of them swung open. Ethan hadn’t even realized they’d stopped. Mark pulled him through the door and closed it tightly behind him. His arm was still heavy on Ethan’s shoulder and it slid lower as Ethan turned to face him.   
“I like you too, ya’know.” Ethan’s voice was suddenly steadier, but it still held the thick tone of intoxication.   
Mark looked at him simply, eyebrows raised.  
“I like you alot,” Ethan clarified  
“Ethan, you’re drunk.” Mark said. His tone was strange though, even darker than usual. His deep timbre sounded amplified.   
Ethan’s hand experimentally came to rest on Mark’s rib cage, feeling his muscles expand with a deep inhale.   
Ethan’s eyes traveled slow across Mark’s shoulders and the bumps of his collarbones, up his neck and locked on his lips.  
“Ethan,” Mark’s jaw clenched   
His eyes flashed up to meet Mark’s. Something in his expression softened and Ethan took that moment as a welcome. He leaned forward, forcing Mark’s back against the wall and kissing him harder than he’d intended to. Mark kissed back, moving his mouth to accommodate Ethan’s presence. Ethan had kissed plenty of people but his heart had never leapt so high into his throat. The familiar sudden-panic adrenaline response flooded through his veins so fast it hurt his chest, and he felt it jolt out to his fingertips. His whole body was singing with relief, skin flaring where Mark’s hands slid down his sides. He felt the same bubbling deep in his belly. He yanked back with a gasping breath,   
“Fuck,” He breathed, shaking his head “Fuck.”   
“Are you ok?” Mark asked, sounding seriously concerned.  
His head slumped forward against Mark’s shoulder, head shaking weakly.   
“Alright,” Mark patted Ethan’s hips where his hands lay, “Let’s get you in bed.”   
“Wh-“ Ethan started, he wanted to ask about Mika. Wasn’t Mark going to take him home? Apparently not. He was ushered through a tidy living room and into Mark’s bedroom.   
Mark motioned for him to sit on the bed and Ethan flopped unceremoniously against the mattress, bouncing slightly. He watched Mark go into the bathroom leading off of his room and rummage around in the sink. He came back and dug through the top drawer of his dresser,   
“Do you want something else to wear?” He asked quietly.   
Ethan looked down at his shirt, the worn blue stained with sweat, hanging off him like a skeleton draped in curtains.  
“Mmhm,” Ethan could barely keep his eyes open, nevermind corral this thoughts enough to comprehend the implications of him wearing Mark’s clothes. A dark red tank top landed on the bed next to him. Mark pulled another shirt out and returned to the bathroom, closing the door this time.  
Ethan moved about as quickly as his exhausted, alcohol soaked muscles would let him, pulling his shirt off, folding it up, and pulling the other one on. He stood next to the bed, inspecting the trinkets on the top of Mark’s dresser. A picture of a cute dog, a small plaque ordained with asian symbols, a picture of Mark and a pretty girl.   
Ethan’s heart sank.   
Fuck, had he just ruined everything? He leaned back and fell onto the bed. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Mark had a girlfriend. Ethan was so stupid. He had known all along that this wasn’t going to work. Mark was just doing this to be a friendly, decent person. Ethan probably wouldn’t know anything about being a decent person, now that he was a relationship ruiner.  
The bathroom door opened and the lights went out, Mark shuffled out into the darkened bedroom. Ethan felt the horrible sting of tears behind his eyes. Fuck.   
His head hurt so bad, the room was starting to sway. Mark crossed the room and came up on the other side of the bed, the mattress shifting with his weight as he sat.  
“Lay back,” he whispered, reaching across to encourage Ethan’s shoulder to come down onto the mattress. His chest ached as he laid his head on the pillow above him. He sank into the soft mattress and his eyes slid shut.   
He was too tired to move, he was too tired to apologize, he couldn’t even keep his eyes open anymore. The mattress dipped next to him as Mark laid down.   
This was so surreal. He was in Mark’s apartment, in Mark’s bed. No one else was here and instead of making his wild wet dreams come true he was crying himself to sleep.


	4. Morning Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> f e e e e e l i n g s, man... so many feelings

Ethan rolled over and peeled his eyes open. The room was so bright. His eyes focused and he stared up at an unfamiliar ceiling fan. Wait, his dorm didn’t have a ceiling fan...   
He sat up so fast his vision went spotty. He was alone in the bed. He looked around frantically, trying desperately to remember what happened last night. He had been with Mika, at Kappa Phi; that he knew for sure.   
He scanned the room slower now, searching for clues. His eyes rested on the picture frames on a dresser near by. Fuck, he was at Mark’s. He stared at a picture of Mark with his arm around a pretty blonde girl. He was starting to remember now, but the details were hazy. He came to Mark’s after Kappa Phi. Wait, why? Ethan’s stomach flipped. Oh god please don’t be what he thought it was.   
But he was fully clothed, even his shoes were still on his feet, and he was sleeping on top of the bed covers.  
The ding of a text notification interrupted his thoughts. He looked down to the side table and saw his phone with a notification from Mika. He also saw that it was 10:46am. Ethan groaned, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. They burned. He’d slept in his contacts.   
He got up slowly, a pain shooting through his skull. Grabbing his phone, he opened the messages from Mika. 

7:39 am - hey eth just making sure you’re ok  
\- text me when you get up

8:02 am - hey just text me when you wake up i’m getting nervous 

8:23 am - eth i’m nervous make sure you text me when you get up

9:28 am - 2 missed calls from Mika <3

10:00 am - i just ran into Mark getting coffee   
\- i may have made a mistake call me when you get up

10:37 am - missed call from Mika <3

10:46 am - fucking christ ethan wake up  
\- pleeaaaseee ffs

Ethan’s heart picked up pace. A mistake? What does that mean?   
Ethan immediately dialed Mika, placing the phone to his ear and moving into the bathroom. He tried all of the light switches before turning on the overhead sink lights.   
“Ethan!” Mika sounded relived.   
“Jesus christ, what happened?” Ethan asked, his voice still rough with sleep. He inspected himself in the mirror as Mika spoke.   
“Ethan I thought .. that you and Mark ...” She made a pained squeak “I figured you guys fucked last night so when I saw him I asked him if you’d told him about the little bachelor game we were playing and he got confused-“  
“Mika-“ Ethan’s blood ran cold  
“-And I may have let slip that we were basically placing bets on your virginity.”   
The line went silent. Ethan stared at himself in the mirror. His brain was short circuiting. He literally couldn’t put together a complete thought. Mika had to be joking. This was fake.   
Not only did Ethan barely remember what happened last night, now Mark was prancing around knowing full well that the stupid kid pining after him was a virgin.   
Panic bubbled in his chest and spilled out in a bark of laughter. He leaned forward, suddenly feeling like he might vomit. His heart was beating so hard he could feel the blood moving through his veins.  
“Mika, what the fuck,” He laughed into the phone, sounding like an absolute madman, “What the fuck is going on? What am I doing?”   
“Ethan, I don’t think you should worry about it he barely reacted. I don’t think he cares!” Her hopefulness sounded strained.   
Ethan attempted to collect himself, his laughter subsided into giggles; he forced himself to take deep breaths in an attempt to calm down.   
“I want to leave,” Ethan said in a low voice, “I want to leave but he’s not home. What should I do?”   
“Leave, Eth. Come back home and we can talk about it.”   
Ethan’s brain fought with itself. He was silent for a long moment. “Should I talk to him?”   
“Do you... want to talk to him?”   
“I don’t know. I feel like I should...”   
Mika didn’t say anything, he could practically hear her face twisting in worry.   
“I don’t really remember much from last night anyway,” Ethan admitted, “I feel like I should... know ... if I ... did something.” He said slowly.  
“Something?” Mika echoed.  
“Not like - I don’t know, I - I just,” He buried his face in his elbow, letting out an agonized groan.   
“Ethan?” A voice called from beyond the phone. Ethan clamped his mouth shut, clenching his jaw so hard his ears rang.  
“Mark?” He called back after a second.  
“I got coffee.”   
“Bye, Mika.” Ethan hung up the phone without another word.   
He straightened and locked eyes with himself in the mirror. Haphazardly, he ran his hands under the faucet and peeled his contacts out, tossing them in the trash, then pushed his hair back. With his newly blurry surroundings making his head ache even more, he moved through Mark’s bedroom and into the living room. From this distance Ethan could see a fuzzy-edged human form in the kitchen. He cautiously moved forward.   
Mark met him in the doorway, handing him a warm cup. Ethan took it, mumbling a shy thanks and refusing to meet Mark’s eyes. There was a lengthy silence in which the tension rose higher every second. Ethan’s face burned. Should he even try to say something? Should he pretend Mika didn’t just tell him that Mark knows his secret? Should he even bother asking what happened last night? Ethan moved to perch on an empty chair at the kitchen table. He finally looked at Mark, who was sitting on the edge of the counter. From this distance his face wasn’t so crystal clear, but Ethan’s heart still skipped at how handsome he was.   
God, he was whipped and he’d only known the man for a week.   
“Mark, I’m sorry.”   
“For what?” His tone edged on confusion.  
“Whatever happened last night. I - I don’t know, I don’t really remember much. I’m so sorry - I don’t know what to - I don’t - I’m usually not a drinker...”   
Mark hummed in recognition.   
“What do you remember?” Mark asked cautiously.   
“I remember...being at Kappa Phi with Mika. I drank way too much. And then somehow I ended up with you... and I remember Tyler,” Ethan motioned to what he assumed was the closed door of Tyler’s bedroom across the living room. “Uhm, obviously we ended up here. I don’t know - I think - I hope I just fell asleep,” Ethan didn’t even sound convincing enough to entice himself with that one. He knew deep in the back of his head that there was no way in hell he could have controlled himself around Mark with that much liquor in his system.   
“Yeah...” Mark drummed his fingers against his coffee cup, “We came back here, you kissed me, then you fell asleep.”   
Ethan felt like crawling into a hole in the ground and covering himself in dirt.   
“I’m sorry,” For the second day in a row, Ethan pretended he didn’t want to cry, staring into the ripples in his coffee cup as his hands vibrated with anxiety. “That girl - who’s that girl in that picture?” He blurted.  
“Amy-“  
“Your girlfriend-”  
“No,” Mark clarified quickly, shaking his head, “No, she’s one of my best friends. She still lives back in Ohio.”   
“Do you.. have a girlfriend?” Ethan asked cautiously.   
“I do not,” Mark’s tone was lighter than Ethan had expected. He didn’t sound upset by that statement in the slightest.   
Well at least Ethan didn’t have to beat himself up over that. One small weight off his shoulders.   
“I’m sorry I kissed you,” His voice was barely above a whisper.   
Mark didn’t answer for a few seconds.   
“Ya’know, I ran into Mika while I was getting the coffee.” His tone was perfectly even.   
Ethan fought the urge to say ‘I know’. He felt like now was a bad time to mention that he had just been on the phone with Mika, and that he probably already knew everything Mark was about to tell him.   
“She told me a little about you,”   
Ethan’s throat constricted, his face burning hotter than before. He almost had to laugh at Mark’s words; what a polite way to phrase it.   
He forced himself to nod, waiting for Mark to deliver the final blow.   
“Ethan,” His words softened, “Last night, you told me you really liked me. Is that the truth?” Ethan made the decision right then and there that he was literally never going to drink again. He nodded stiffly.   
“That’s the truth,” He finally looked away from his coffee, gaze wandering over to Mark. He watched the older man take a sip of his drink, sighing as he set the cup on the counter.  
“I like you too, Ethan. I just think you need to understand what you’re getting yourself into. I would never want to be something you regret.”   
There was no way he heard that right. No this had to all be a sick joke. Ethan suddenly felt extremely childish. Mark sounded so mature, and with such ease. The threat of tears pricked at the back of Ethan’s eyes.  
Ethan stopped himself though, Mark really had no reason to lie to him. Actually, Ethan thought while rubbing his eyes, this is good. Who was he kidding, this was great. Mark had just confessed mutual feelings, and sounded very understanding. Ethan was deeply appreciative of the fact that he didn’t bring up the ‘little about him’ that Mika had shared. On top of all of this came the crashing realization that Mark was interested in men at all, nevermind Ethan specifically. Ethan had to be dreaming: there was absolutely no way a guy who may as well have stepped straight out of his dreams was standing in front of him, admitting his feelings for him.   
“I think you should take a while to think about it, that’s all.” Mark added.  
Ethan felt himself relaxing a bit. Mark was right. Ethan had been so excitable over this whole thing that he’d barely stopped to think. He knew this is what he wanted though, perhaps he just needed some time to calm himself down. It didn’t help that every time he saw Mark it felt like someone reached into his chest and squeezed his heart.   
“You’re right,” Was all Ethan could muster. He stood up, pain blooming in his head “I should go,” It almost sounded like a question, but Mark moved toward him, expressing agreement. They walked to the door in silence, Ethan leading.   
Mark opened the door, but not enough to let Ethan out.   
“Thank you... for everything. Again, I’m sorry,” Ethan sighed. Mark was close enough now that even without his contacts Ethan could see him clearly. He looked tired, hair slightly askew. The sight warmed Ethan’s heart.  
“Don’t be sorry.” Mark said simply, “You have my number. Call me if you figure it out. Otherwise, I’ll see you on Thursday?”   
Ethan smiled for the first time that day, corners of his mouth twitching upward.   
“Ok,” He nodded. Mark opened the door fully.  
Quiet goodbyes were exchanged and Ethan made his way toward the stairs. He heard the door close behind him as he descended into the lobby. 

When Ethan made it back to the dorms he entered their room quietly. Mika was at her desk again, bedroom door open wide. He stood silently in her doorway, waiting for her to turn around. She finally turned, scanning Ethan up and down:  
“What the hell are you wearing?”


	5. It’s a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan grows the balls to ask Mark on their first date

Ethan spent the weekend moping around the dorm, unable to escape the constant echo of Mark’s words in his head.  
Think about it.... just think about it. He couldn’t stop thinking about it if someone put a gun to his head. He was terrified of the idea of calling Mark to try to tell him the way he felt. But at the same time, Ethan had come to the realization that this wasn’t going to work if he couldn’t calm down. He was getting pretty tired of being so nervous, he felt like his heart was going to escape his chest every time he saw Mark. He needed to calm down, have a serious conversation, and tell Mark he was in fact very sure that he still liked him while sober.  
It was Sunday night. He was sitting next to Mika on his bed. She was quietly scrolling through twitter when Ethan interrupted her by tapping his phone against hers.  
“I’m gonna call him. He said to call him.”  
Mika’s expression didn’t change.  
“Ethan,” She dropped her phone, “He literally told you he likes you back, you have zero reasons to be this nervous.”  
Ethan realized his cheeks were hot. Just the thought of embarrassing himself scared him.  
He sighed, staring at Mark’s contact on his phone screen. So many thoughts raced around his brain, spilling out of his mouth faster than he could regulate them:  
“What if he was just being nice? What if it was a bad joke? Even if this is real what if I call him and interrupt him and he’s busy? What if-“  
Mika snatched Ethan’s phone out of his hand with a rough yank, smacking the call button.  
It began to ring and she shoved it back into his hand, jumping off his bed and rushing out of the room with an evil giggle.  
He dropped his head, chin resting against his sternum, and listened to the pounding of his own heart. He placed the phone to his ear cautiously.  
It was only on the third ring when the obnoxious tone was cut off.  
“Hey, Ethan,”  
Ethan’s heart skipped.  
“Hhey, Mark - Hey, hi,” He laughed nervously at his own stuttered greeting. Shit. He didn’t even know what he wanted to say. Why did he call again? What was he doing?  
“Is something wrong?” Mark suddenly sounded concerned.  
“No! No,” Ethan rushed to clarify, “Um, uh I just was wondering, maybe if you wanted to like get coffee or lunch or something... sometime. Uh, before Thursday,” Ethan’s voice was shaking but he gave a silent prayer that it didn’t come through the phone. He was really asking Mark on a date. “Unless! Unless you don’t want to, uh you seem like - like a busy person. If it-“  
“Ethan-“  
“Doesn’t work with your schedule-“  
“Ethan! Yes,” Mark laughed in a bright bubbly way that Ethan hadn’t heard before, even through the phone it made Ethan giddy. “Yes, that sounds great.”  
“Oh ok,” Ethan thought his face might split from how hard he was smiling.  
“When do you have class tomorrow?”  
“Um, I have class in the morning but I’m out by like 11.”  
Mark hummed, “I’ll be free around noon,”  
“Oh, perfect!” Ethan exclaimed, shocked by his own excited outburst.  
“Nice, want me to just pick you up outside Oak around 12:30 and we can go to Red Arrow to get lunch?”  
Ethan couldn’t stifle his excited laughter,  
“Yeah that sounds perfect,”  
“Alright good,” He could hear Mark’s smile, “I’ll see you then.” 

Ethan sat in the common area of the dorm building, leg bouncing rapidly. Some kids played a board game on the table across the room. Two girls sat on the couch opposite him and conversed about their weekend.  
He checked his phone again. 2 minutes had passed. 12:16.  
Ethan couldn’t remember a time when class had ever moved so slow. It had felt like he was shackled to the floor, the professor droning on and on about a program Ethan already knew how to use. When he got home he’d spent 40 minutes trying to look decent, knowing the effort was futile after Mark had already babysat him while he was near black out. Without Mika home to help him get dressed, he’d decided on a plain red long sleeve; his grey jeans had rips in the knees. He was actually wearing his glasses for once, not bothering to put his contacts in for his early class this morning.  
He kept telling himself he wasn’t nervous. This was fine. This was going to be fine. Everything was okay.  
His phone dinged.  
Mark F. (tutor) - iMessage Notification.  
Ethan almost laughed at the contact name, unlocking his phone to read Mark’s ‘here’ text.  
He got up slowly, huffing out a nervous breath as he moved to the doors. He could see Mark outside, using his phone as a mirror and fussing with his hair. He was wearing a red hoodie and black joggers. How did he manage to look good in anything; dressed up or down. Ethan was jealous of the fact that he had to put so much effort into his look and Mark probably just threw something on a strolled over.  
“Hey,” Mark smiled - all sweet and warm and sunshiney - and Ethan’s heart melted.  
“Hi,” He couldn’t help the cheesy grin that practically ripped his face in half.  
“I didn’t know you wore glasses,” Mark commented as Ethan came to stand next to him.  
“Yeah, sorry, I like never wear them,”  
“Why would you apologize? They’re cute, you look cute.” Mark’s hand raised to his own glassesless face and made a motion like he was tapping the side of his frames.  
‘Cute’, Ethan thought he might actually cry. Sure Mika paid him such compliments on a fairly regular basis but it had been so long since he had heard that from someone he had feelings for; the sound of it gave him whiplash. Like he wanted to ask if Mark had misspoken, if he was sure.  
He gave a nervous little laugh and stuttered out a thank you to which Mark smiled fondly in reply.  
“Ready to go?” He asked, bumping their hands together. Ethan’s skin sparked at the contact but he ignored it, swallowing the ball of anxiety clogging his throat and nodding.  
They chatted about their days as they walked the couple blocks to the small diner where they were getting lunch. 

Mark sat across from Ethan, easily sliding into the smooth red laminate of the classic diner booth.  
“You like pancakes?” Mark inquired.  
“Yeah, of course. Why?”  
“I heard they’ve got really good pancakes here,” Mark said, but his tone conveyed his I’m-telling-you-to-get-the-pancakes message. Ethan laughed, opening the menu and finding the pancake selection.  
They had some really interesting flavors that Ethan had never seen before and when the waitress came over to take their order, he settled on a stack of apple caramel pancakes.  
The two continued their discussing of the days events and Ethan told Mark about sound engineering while Mark told Ethan about physics. Ethan was impressed - to say the least - by Mark’s course selection as he listed off his classes. He’d started to delve deeper into explaining the courses when the food arrived.  
“I mean, if you follow the lines of information and build the knowledge from the bottom, the content’s actually not difficult. I’d love to show you some of my work sometime,”  
Ethan let out a huff of laughter, “I don’t think I have nearly enough brain power to understand it,”  
“Oh c’mon,” Mark laughed with him “I know you’re smart, Ethan. Did you forget I saw all your work?”  
“Ah true, maybe choosing such a brilliant tutor wasn’t actually the best move. By the time I graduate you’ll be my professor,”  
Ethan’s comment made Mark laugh for real, his head tossed back and face scrunched in delight. What a happy noise, Ethan thought. It made his cheeks burn and his chest feel fuzzy. He instantly wanted to hear more of it.  
As they ate and talked and laughed Ethan realized he wasn’t nervous anymore. And that he hadn’t been nervous since they’d arrived at the restaurant. He was seeing their relationship in a new light; this was a date, they were moving toward something. As they talked more and more about their lives on campus and in L.A., Ethan realized there really was nothing to be nervous about. The butterflies in his stomach still stirred, and blush still frequented his cheeks, and his skin still sparked at their contact, but Ethan wasn’t scared of the way Mark perceived him anymore; he wasn’t going to embarrass himself, or stumble on a word and get called stupid. As Ethan stuttered through the story of his move in day, Mark only interrupted to ask questions, smiling and laughing along with Ethan’s story. It felt so good to have someone new. Even if they hadn’t known each other long, Ethan could tell they really clicked, and he wanted to be able to spend a lot more time with Mark.  
They spent nearly three hours conversing over their meals. Mark graciously paid the tab when they finished, for which Ethan vehemently thanked him.  
They walked slowly this time, first around a couple blocks, then back toward Oak.  
A comfortable silence came over them as they approached the dorm building. Ethan checked his phone and realized they’d just spent 5 hours together. Wow, he didn’t think he could feel this comfortable with someone so quickly.  
Before they were by the door Ethan felt Mark’s hand slide against his, hooking their fingers together. Ethan stopped expectantly at the action, turning to face Mark.  
“I had a good time,” Mark’s soft smile made Ethan’s heart swell.  
“M- me too,” Ethan laughed, half expecting Mark to turn around and add a ‘but...’.  
Instead he asked,  
“When can we do it again?”  
Ethan was shocked into silence for a second, fumbling for something to say other than ‘literally whenever you want’.  
“Um...... literally whenever you want,”  
Ah, shit.  
Mark chuckled, letting Ethan’s finger slide out of his grip.  
“Alright. I’ll at least see you on Thursday, right?”  
“Oh, of course! Of course,” Ethan nodded his head enthusiastically, beginning to backup toward the door. “Oh hey, hold on, I have that shirt you let me borrow the other night do you want it back?”  
“It’s really not a big deal-“ Mark started.  
“No it’s fine come wait inside for a second I’ll run up and grab it,” Before Mark could testify Ethan was motioning him inside, running up the stairs and bursting into his room.  
Mika was sitting on the couch and she jumped at his excited entry.  
“What are you doing?” She asked as Ethan sped into his bedroom, snatching the red tank top off of his desk chair.  
“Be right back!” He called to Mika as the door closed behind him on exit. He jumped back down the stairs to the empty common room where Mark was waiting, leaning against the wall by the door.  
“Here,” Ethan huffed, catching just breath after marathoning the stairs.  
“Thanks so much,” Mark laughed lightly.  
“Of course,” Ethan assured him, “It’s nothing.”  
There was a moment of quiet while Ethan collected himself. He watched Mark as the older man shook the shirt out before folding it against his chest. Gosh, he really was pretty without even trying. Ethan was fucked.  
“So,” Mark threw the shirt over his shoulder, letting it hang. “Maybe uh,” He cleared his throat and Ethan noticed the blush rising on his cheeks. “Wanna try that kiss again?”  
A bolt of anxious excitement shot straight through Ethan, head to toes. He felt like those stupid cartoons where the character’s heart literally jumps out of their chest and thumps aloud comically. Oh god, he was sure he was going to fuck this up while he was sober, but it would be a cold day in hell before Ethan could ever say no to an offer like that.  
He laughed in a mildly manic way, attempting to soothe the burn spreading over his face and chest.  
“Yes,” He gave another enthusiastic nod, stepping closer.  
Mark’s expression went soft and his hand brushed the side of Ethan’s face, leaning into him. He stopped just close enough for Ethan to feel his breath agains his lips. He closed the gap quickly, pressing their mouths together. Drunk Ethan had really gone all or nothing, but now the kiss was much more controlled; gentler and cleaner and when they broke from each other there was no gasping for breath. It was simple but it nearly punched the wind out of Ethan’s lungs. He was absolutely, unabashedly floored over the fact that Mark was the one who asked him for a kiss first - the ear to ear grin was a dead giveaway he was sure.  
“Thank you,” Ethan sighed, “For lunch, ya’know...” His grin settled into a warm smile, “And this.” He added.  
Mark laughed fondly. “See you Thursday,” He said as he stepped back, leaning against the door to open it.  
“See ya,” Ethan gave a small wave which Mark returned. He watched Mark until he was out of sight then bolted back up the stairs, eager to tell Mika.


	6. A Label

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i apologize for this monstrosity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sexual content so just , ya’know , watch out

It had been a month now and Ethan felt so much more comfortable with Mark. They’d been on many more dates, and eventually their tutor sessions moved from the library to Mark’s apartment, turning into study+dinner dates. Ethan’s heart still jumped every time they kissed, and the way Mark smiled at him without saying anything made his chest warm. Ethan would sit by himself and get giddy at just the thought of it all. He still couldn’t believe he’d ever even told Mark he liked him, nevermind having his feeling be reciprocated. He was so silly about it all that he’d barely thought about a label for it. All he knew was that he wanted to be with Mark all the time, to feel his warmth and hear his voice. 

Ethan was sitting at the kitchen table snacking on the candy bar Mark had brought home for him. Mark was in the couch, TV buzzing nearly silent as he typed out an assignment on the computer. Ethan could see the back of Mark’s head and he watched his raven waves as his gaze flipped between the TV and his monitor.   
“Eth,” he called distractedly,  
“Yeah?” Ethan replied, mouth full of chocolate.   
“Amy wanted to do a video call in a few, she wants to meet you.” Mark said, putting his arm over the back of the couch and turning a bit to look back at Ethan.   
“Oh, awesome,” Ethan wrapped up the last of his candy bar and left it on the table, jumping over the back of the couch and roughly seating himself next to Mark. He snuggled up close, resting his head on Mark’s shoulder so he could look on to the paper he was typing. Pulling a blanket off the side of the couch, he yanked it over his lap, tucking his legs up under himself.   
Suddenly Mark’s work was interrupted by a ringing; Amy’s call came through the laptop and Mark settled it on his lap so they were both in frame, accepting the call. Mark fussed with his hair and fixed his glasses, using the black ‘connecting...’ screen as a mirror.   
“Its looks fine,” Ethan assured him quietly, coaxing a small half smile out of Mark.   
Amy’s face popped up on the screen. Ethan was surprised to see her hair a bright pink, curls falling onto her shoulders.   
“Hey!” She exclaimed  
“Hey, what’s up!” Mark smiled widely.   
Ethan smiled too, giving a little wave.   
“Oh, Mark,” Amy cooed, “Is that Ethan of whom I’ve been hearing so much?”   
Ethan felt a blush jump to his cheeks. The thought of Mark telling his friends about him stirred the butterflies in his stomach.   
Mark chuckled a bit, nudging Ethan,   
“Here he is. As you requested,”  
Amy laughed, clasping her hands together,  
“He’s just as cute as the pictures,”   
“Thank you,” Ethan giggled, catching Mark smiling at him out of the corner of his eye.   
“Mark tells me you’re a sound engineer?” She asked.  
“Yeah, but I’m just a freshman. I’ve still got a ways to go.” He explained  
“Of course,” She said understandingly.  
She dove into a slew of questions for Ethan, wanting to know more and more about his classes and school and how they met.   
“Mark likes to tell me the bare minimum,” She claimed, giving the older man a pointed look through the screen. “But you sound like a fantastic boyfriend, I give you both my blessing,” Amy joked.  
Mark laughed but Ethan’s stomach flipped.   
‘Boyfriend’. Is that what Mark had told her or was she just making a joke? Wait, was Mark calling Ethan his boyfriend and he wasn’t in the loop?  
He sat quietly, laughing and commenting when necessary as he listened to Mark and Amy catch up, hearing about life back in Ohio compared to California. Meanwhile, his mind was racing. He couldn’t knock ‘boyfriend’ out of his head.   
Eventually Amy ended the call, needing to return to her work and letting Mark return to his. Ethan remained in his spot on the couch, pressed shoulder to shoulder against Mark. A few minutes passed of Ethan staring at the silent TV.   
“You told Amy I’m your boyfriend?” Ethan’s question came more as a statement.   
Mark didn’t look away from the computer,   
“Would you be upset if I did?” His tone was light, edging on concern.   
“No., I just...” Ethan trailed off  
Mark looked at him, closing the laptop and setting it on the coffee table along with his glasses.  
“Are you sure?” Mark asked, “I don’t want to push you,”  
A strange guilt rose in Ethan’s chest. Mark’s willingness to bend to him made his heart swell. He didn’t feel like Mark was rushing, in fact quite the opposite: he felt like he was holding Mark back. He didn’t quite know from what, but it had been a month and although they had been spending a lot of time together they hadn’t done anything. He ached for the feeling of being close to Mark but whenever it happened he’d shy away. A streak of fear flew through him at the overwhelming feeling of being so vulnerable. The longer it went on the more impatient he was getting with himself, and he was sure Mark was feeling the same way, but he was just too kind to say it.   
“Ethan?”   
Instead of answering Ethan twisted on the couch, sliding his arms around Mark’s shoulders and pulling him into a rough kiss. Mark hummed in surprise before relaxing into it. His hand came up and rested in the back of Ethan’s neck, pulling him even closer. When Ethan pulled back, Mark immediately moved to trail kisses down his jaw onto his neck. Ethan threaded his fingers through his hair and pulled him back up to connect their mouths again. Mark’s hands moved to slide down Ethan’s sides, resting on his hips.   
After a second more Mark broke away, growling a low “C’mere,” and yanking Ethan into his lap. Ethan let out a yelp, scrambling to readjust so he was straddling Mark’s thighs. Mark kept a grip on Ethan’s hips he continued pressing hot kisses to the younger man’s neck, sucking out a dark bruise just above his collarbone. As Ethan’s body melted under Mark’s touch, scalding his skin as his hands slid under his shirt, his brain was turning to mush. He was far too excitable, already feeling the slither of arousal coiling in his belly. Mark stopped, leaning back and quietly admiring Ethan - pupils blown, breathing unsteady, face flushed.  
“What?” Ethan asked dumbly.  
Mark hummed, tugging on the hem of Ethan’s shirt, “Take this off,”  
The familiar anxiety rose, threatening to squash the moment, but Ethan stamped it down, obliging Mark’s request and quickly stripping off his shirt before he could talk himself out of it. Immediately, Mark’s hands were everywhere, smoothing across his chest and over his shoulders. Despite the fact that Ethan was blushing so hard he thought he might literally be steaming, he suddenly felt cold, and far too exposed compared to the sweatshirt Mark still had on. But before he could ask him to take it off, Mark’s hands landed on his thighs and tugged him forward, bringing their bodies flush together. Ethan couldn’t contain the whimper that dropped from his mouth at the friction provided to his rising hard on, instinctively pushing closer. Mark captured his mouth in a biting kiss, melding their tongues together.   
Draping his arms around Mark’s neck, Ethan rolled his hips down experimentally. A quick bolt of arousal flashed down his spine as more blood rushed south. He moaned breathlessly into Mark’s mouth, hands grasping at the man’s shoulders and tangling the fabric of his hoodie in his fists. He repeated the motion twice more, chasing the friction. He was quickly halted by Mark gripping his hips forcefully, stilling them.   
Ethan whined, “Mark,”   
“Can I touch you?”   
Just the question made Ethan dizzy with need.   
“Fuck, please, yes.”   
Mark instantly got to undoing the button and zipper on Ethan’s jeans, fingers slowly dipping past the waistband of his boxers.  
When Mark’s hand wrapped around him a strangled groan jumped from his throat. He buried his face in Mark’s shoulder, muffling the string of expletives that followed as he began stroking. Ethan had never really seen a great deal of difference between hand jobs and masturbation - he was wrong.   
It was so much better.   
His whole body burned with the need for more, unable to catch his breath after every vocal exhale. Mark’s wrist worked skillfully, quickening the pace once his fingers were slick with precum.   
With the warmth of Mark pressed against him, free hand trailing along his skin and mouth still working at his neck, Ethan didn’t know how much longer he could last. The heat of his release was binding tighter in his belly, making his whole body tremble. Mark nudged Ethan’s head up off his shoulder, pulling him into a kiss and carding his fingers through his golden brown curls,   
“Is it good?” He asked, giving a gentle tug.  
“S’good-“ Ethan could barely get words out through his panting, eyes screwing shut with the effort to focus his thoughts, “So good. M’close, please - please don- dont’t stop.” He babbled, hips rutting up into Mark’s fist. His head fell back, rocking his hips again and again in time with Mark’s strokes.   
He could feel himself teetering on the edge now, fingernails digging hard into Mark’s shoulders.   
“I - I’m gonna-“ Ethan tried to warn, falling forward to bury his face into Mark’s shoulder again, muffling his moans as they grew louder.   
“Just let go,” Mark instructed, deep timbre rich with lust.  
Ethan’s body went rigid, crying out as his orgasm crashed through him, practically seeing stars. Mark worked him down from his high, slowly bringing his hand to a stop.  
When Ethan regained his senses he pulled away, brushing his hair off his forehead and simultaneously swiping away the sweat. He looked down between them and saw the drying stain he’d caused on Mark’s hoodie.  
“Oh shit, sorry,” He sighed  
“That’s fine,” Mark wiped his hand against the dark fabric too, “You alright?”   
Ethan nodded in assurance, “Are you okay?” He asked, wiggling his hips slightly and feeling Mark’s hard on straining against the front of his jeans. Mark made a concealed noise in the back of his throat but said, “Yeah, it’s fine.”  
“What do you want me to do?” Ethan inquired as he tucked himself away and redid the button on his pants.   
“Nothing,” Mark shook his head, “You did enough.” He ran his hand through the younger man’s hair again, pulling him down to place a kiss on his forehead. A fuzzy feeling spread through Ethan’s chest, warming him in an innocent way. He rolled sideways onto the couch and reached for his shirt, clumsily pulling it back on.  
Mark stood and disappeared wordlessly into his room, shutting the bathroom door behind him and Ethan was left to sit silently on the couch, hands fidgeting in his lap.  
His face was still burning at the recall of his reactions. He suddenly wondered if he should have insisted on helping Mark instead of letting him get off in the bathroom alone. Just as he began to feel guilty, the bathroom door opened and Ethan watched Mark’s shadowed form dig through his dresser in the dark. He returned to the couch in new clothes and flopped heavily against the cushions.   
“Sorry,” Ethan repeated.  
“For what?” Mark asked, reaching for the TV remote. He turned up the volume slightly, starting to flip through channels.   
“I didn’t-“ Ethan waved his hands suggestively.  
“Oh, whatever. There’ll be time to make up for it,” Mark laughed “Ya’know, now that you’re my boyfriend,” Mark looked across at Ethan with a goofy smile, flashing his teeth.  
Ethan laughed, relaxing against the cushions.  
‘Boyfriend’. He liked that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just quickly wanted to say thank you so much to all the people reading! i never expected to get any attention for my work so all of the kudos and the fantastic comments you guys are leaving are really keeping me sane during quarantine. i apologize for the sporadic update schedule but i basically am just trying to update whenever i finish a chapter. that being said, the next chapter might take a little longer so i hope you guys will stick around :) anyway thanks again for all the support luv y’all


	7. Last Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sexual content ! just be ready cuz uhhhh ,, this is the big one

It had only been a couple days since the couch episode, but it kept running on repeat in Ethan’s mind. Ever since then, he couldn’t keep himself off Mark, constantly touching; an arm around his shoulders, a hand resting on his knee, even just sitting close enough so their shoulders brushed. He’d decided later that night, when he’d gotten home and looked at himself in the mirror, surveying the deep purple marks on his collarbone and the thumb-sized bruise on his hip, that he was done being scared of this. It was far too good.  
He began to hatch a plan.  
He’d literally forgotten about playing bachelor until Mika had seen his hickeys the next morning. She’d smacked him on the back in the same way a proud father would wordlessly congratulate his son, and made a passing joke about finally giving up the last rose. The embarrassing memory of sitting in Mark’s kitchen the morning after the party smacked into Ethan like a brick wall. That’s right, Mark knew he was a virgin. How stupid could he be to have forgotten why this whole fiasco had even started. But it felt like so long ago - being skittish around Mark because he couldn’t handle his feelings was so far behind him.  
Ethan needed a few days to think, contemplating exactly how he would go about convincing Mark. Mark had expressed worry before, wanting to be sure that Ethan was positive he wanted it. Ethan wasn’t sure how much more positive he could be at this point. All they needed now was some time alone. 

Ethan sat on the floor of the living room, intently watching TV while he waited for Mark to return from doing his laundry. Tyler was preparing to leave for his girlfriends and would be staying the night with her. Ethan couldn’t help but laugh internally as he felt his little plan falling into place.   
Just as he was thinking of it, Tyler’s bedroom door swung open and he stepped into the living room.  
“Hey, where’s Mark?”  
“Laundry,” Ethan answered simply, looking up at Tyler from his place on the floor.   
“Ah, right,” Tyler nodded, a smile parting his lips in a way that made it look like he was holding back a laugh.   
“What?” Ethan asked, feigning offense.  
“Nothing,” Tyler made his way around the back of the couch and toward the door, “Yaknow just...don’t wake the neighbors.” He slipped quickly into the hallway before Ethan could answer, calling an indignant ‘Hey!’ after him.  
Ethan laid down against the scratchy area rug, picking at the fibers and sighing heavily. Did Tyler’s comment mean Mark had mentioned something? Or was he just being funny? Geez, the amount of times Ethan asked himself if someone was ‘just being funny’ was starting to pile up. He felt himself blushing at the thought of how stupid this all was, he was psyching himself up far too much. He was going to tighten up and chicken out like he always did, or better yet embarrass himself doing someth-  
“Why are you on the floor?”   
Ethan jumped a little, Mark’s voice pulling him out of his thoughts.   
“No reason,” He laughed, stretching and pushing himself up to sit on his knees.   
He stared up at Mark for a moment, scanning the older man’s outfit. An old nickelodeon t-shirt that he’d clearly chopped the sleeves off of haphazardly and some bright yellow basketball shorts.   
Ethan got up, chuckling as he made his way around the couch to where Mark was standing, “What are you wearing?”  
“The laundry fit,” Mark laughed, looking down at his own shirt, “What, you don’t like it?”  
Ethan’s hands rested on his chest, smoothing out the fabric and fiddling with the jagged seam on Mark’s shoulder.   
“I don’t know,” Ethan tilted his head to the side contemplatively, “Maybe it’d be better if you just took it off?” 

Ethan bounced slightly against the mattress, the impact pushing a little noise out of him as he looked back up to see Mark following quickly after, connecting their mouths in a heated kiss. Mark used his own body to urge Ethan to shimmy up the bed, back connecting with the headboard.   
He leaned back to help Ethan pull his shirt over his head, yanking his own off afterward.  
Ethan sat back against the headboard for a moment, staring at Mark’s wide shoulders and toned stomach. His years of gymnastics made him strong but he’d always had a hard time gaining weight - he marveled at the older man’s heavily muscled form.   
“God, you’re so hot,” Ethan said breathlessly, pulling at Mark’s shoulders to bring him into another deep kiss.   
Mark laughed, hands falling between them to work open the button and zipper on the front of Ethan’s jeans, “Says you,” He shot back. Ethan lifted his hips, giving Mark access to pull his pants down to his thighs in one easy motion. He pushed them the rest of the way down his legs and discarded them off the side of the bed. Mark followed suit, silently pulling off his shorts. Ethan started to reach for the front of Mark’s boxers but was instead pulled forward, sliding down the mattress with a surprised yelp. Mark leaned over him and took his mouth in a biting kiss, drinking down the moan Ethan let out when his hand rested on the front of the younger man’s boxers. His kisses slowly trailed down Ethan’s neck and chest, all the way down his stomach. Ethan sighed at the slight scratch of Mark’s beard against his skin as he moved lower. Mark shimmied down the bed until he eventually came face to face with Ethan straining uncomfortably against his dark blue briefs. Ethan’s hand roamed across Mark’s shoulders, feeling his muscles tense when he shifted lower.   
Mark’s fingers hooked into the top of Ethan’s boxers and pulled them down. He bit back a moan at the contact of the cold air on his exposed skin. Mark gripped him gently, pulling a whimper out of Ethan with a few short strokes. Ethan watched as Mark pulled himself closer, hot breath puffing against the tip and sending a racking shiver up his spine.   
Slowly, Mark took the tip into his mouth, sucking slightly.   
Ethan almost yelled, but caught the noise in his own hand, the other flying down to tangle tightly in Mark’s hair. He sank down a little further, only taking a few inches while his hand gripped the base. Ethan felt like he might cry, a strangled whine slipping out as he tried desperately not to jerk his hips up into the wet heat, gripping Mark’s hair with a force that was sure to hurt. When he bobbed his head slightly Ethan’s legs jerked, muscles twitching with the effort to control himself. He uncovered his mouth, growling out a string of curses and fumbling to grab at the pillow behind his head,   
“Mark,” He panted out, “St- fuck, ah” A hiss of pleasure passed his grated teeth and he rushed to finish his sentence, “Shit, stop’m not gonna last,”   
Mark immediately pulled off, moving off the younger man completely and pushing himself up to sit back on his heels.   
Ethan let out a heavy sigh trying to talk himself off the edge. Fuck all if he wasn’t even going to be able to last long enough to get fucked - which he was suddenly very determined to do. He took a few deep breaths, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes.   
“Okay,” He breathed “Okay, sorry,”   
“Don’t apologize,” Mark’s hands were on him again, practically burning the skin at contact as they slid up and down Ethan’s bare thighs reassuringly. He leaned down to connect their mouths again, slower and more controlled this time.   
“Still want to?” Mark’s breath fanned hotly over Ethan’s collarbone as he pressed a peppering of kisses over his neck.   
“Please, yes,” Ethan pleaded urgently, “Now,” He pulled Mark up by his jaw and kissed him again, the same mess of desire from before making the movements sloppy as Mark blindly rummaged through his bedside table to find a small bottle of lube. He pulled back and Ethan watched with glazed eyes as he poured a bit of it onto his fingers, rubbing it over the digits. Ethan suddenly felt it strange to watch, letting his head fall back against the pillow to stare up at the ceiling fan as he heard Mark close the bottle and toss it onto the comforter.   
“Ready?”   
“Mhm,” His hand came up to grip the pillow again, preparing himself with a deep breath despite the fact that he was still panting like a dog with anticipation. Mark reached under Ethan’s right leg with his clean hand and hitched his hips up, creating an easier angle.   
A vicious gasp stole the air from Ethan’s lungs as he felt a cold fingertip probe at his entrance,  
“Relax for me,” Ethan’s stomach flipped as Mark’s voice dropped impossibly low, sending a vibration through his chest as he tried his best to force his muscles to unclench.   
One finger slipped past the ring of muscle, drawing a soft moan out of Ethan.   
He knew what this felt like, he’d done this to himself before, but Mark just seemed to make everything better. His fingers were longer and thicker and the angle was so much better as his wrist flexed to thrust the digit in and out slowly. After a few moments Ethan felt another finger join the first, twisting whimpers out of his parted lips.  
One crook of Mark’s fingers in the right direction and suddenly a pleasured sob ripped from Ethan’s throat, entire body lighting up as his toes curled and his back arched high off the mattress.   
“Fuck! Right there!” His words came in a rush of air, head tossed back.  
He heard Mark make a triumphant little sound, clean hand petting Ethan’s hip, but pointedly avoiding the spot with the next scissor of his fingers. He added a third, slowly opening Ethan as he writhed against the mattress, a whining, babbling mess. After what felt like an eternity Ethan’s hand reached blindly, clamping around Mark’s wrist.  
“Please, can you” He pleaded breathlessly, “Just- I want,” His words trailed into a drawn out moan, Mark’s fingers refusing to stop working as Ethan squeezed his wrist.   
“What do you want, baby,” Mark’s voice only urged Ethan closer to an edge he didn’t want to reach yet, “Tell me.”   
Ethan felt a pang of irritation under the arousal clouding his brain, just enough sense left to be aggravated by the way Mark had the audacity to tease him right now. He shouldn’t have expected anything else.  
He groaned from the back of his throat,   
“Fuck me,” He managed to gasp out as Mark’s fingers brushed passingly against his prostate again, a mindless mess of ‘please’, ‘Mark’, and various expletives spilling from his mouth. Mark cut him off, removing his hand and leaning up to swallow Ethan’s moan, pulling a condom out of the bedside drawer.   
He sat back again, leaving Ethan to whimper at the loss of contact. Finally, Mark yanked off his own boxers, carelessly tossing them aside. Ethan pushed himself up on his elbows to look between them at the newly exposed skin and couldn’t stop his surprised gasp.  
“Fuck.”  
He felt small in more ways than one.   
The sudden barrage of anxiety tramping against Ethan’s sternum must have shown in his face because Mark suddenly paused,   
“You okay?”   
Ethan blinked dumbly, assuring both Mark and himself with an exaggerated nod.   
He couldn’t take his eyes off the sight as Mark opened the condom and rolled it on, groaning at the touch as he reached for the bottle of lube next to Ethan’s hip. Ethan couldn’t stop himself from sitting up, pulling Mark’s face to his in a desperate kiss. He reached between them and put his hand on top of Mark’s as the older man stroked the lube over his own member, urging Mark to pick up the pace. Mark’s other hand pushed against Ethan’s chest, guiding him back down until he was pressing into the mattress.   
“Relax,” Mark breathed against Ethan’s lips as he settled between his legs, lining himself up. He pushed forward agonizingly slow, punching the air out of Ethan’s lungs when he finally bottomed out. Ethan buried his face in his elbow with a groan, features twisting in pain as he adjusted to the feeling. He could never have even imagined the feeling of a heat so deep - like bathing in flames.   
Mark shifted slightly, a low moan dropping from his mouth. Impatience getting the better of him, Ethan’s hips pushed back against the slight movement, jerking forward and chasing the feeling deep inside him.   
“Wait,” Mark growled, stilling him with a punishing grip on his hips, practically squeezing a groan out of him.   
“Don’t hurt yourself,” He said, softer this time as if it took a moment to gain some composure.   
Ethan shook his head erratically, another nonsensical train of pleas tumbled out of his mouth, promises that it didn’t hurt it, felt so good. Suddenly his words were cut off by an utterly pornographic moan when he felt the unfamiliar drag of Mark’s movement as he pulled out, slowly thrusting back in. He scrabbled for purchase against Mark’s bare shoulders, raking down his back with dull nails.  
“Shit, Eth,” Mark hissed low, “So tight.”   
Ethan didn’t even have the sense to respond as his brain completely shut off, Mark slowly working up to a moderate pace. Every thrust urged another sound out of Ethan, barely able to catch his breath around his own moans.   
Mark adjusted his angle and hit his prostate on the first try, Ethan nearly screaming as he pushed his hips down to meet the feeling again. It wasn’t long before he was stuttering out a warning, digging his fingers into Mark’s biceps to get some semblance of balance as his eyes rolled back, dizzied by Mark’s quickening pace at the promise of his orgasm.   
He didn’t know if he was breathing, all he could hear was his own heart working like a marathon runner, blood rushing in his ears, and all he could feel was the deep drag and burn that was sending bolts of electricity through him with every movement.   
Then Mark’s hand slipped between them and wrapped around Ethan’s member without warning.   
Ethan had never cum so hard or so fast in his life, vision going white as his orgasm tore through him, shooting into Mark’s fist. Mark’s thrusts quickly lost their consistency and he followed soon after, pulling out and toppling onto the mattress next to Ethan.  
After a second of nothing but heaving breaths Ethan felt himself being pulled into Mark’s chest. His body strangely feathery as he wrapped his arm around Mark’s ribs. Suddenly there was a hand wiping at his face and a soft   
“Eth? It’s alright,”   
He blinked away tears he didn’t know were there and looked up at Mark with glassy eyes.   
The older man’s eyebrows were pinched together and his tired eyes expressed his concern.   
Ethan opened his mouth to speak but instead an exhausted sounding laugh flopped out. “That was fucking great,” He giggled out.  
He felt Mark let out a sigh of relief, placing a kiss on the corner of his lips.  
“Good,” Mark huffed out a laugh too.  
In Ethan’s mind he pictured himself on the bachelor stage, handing off his final rose. Mark won. He laughed openly at the imagery of them in matching suits on a candle lit patio compared to them lying in a sweaty heap on Mark’s bed. Classy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am literally SO sorry this took nearly a month but i’m done with school now so the next few chapters (i don’t know yet how many more it’s going to be) shouldn’t be such a long wait! thanks again for the support!!! hope you’re all doing alright!


	8. sorry :(

yeah i’m so sorry but i’m not going to be finishing this one the end of unus annus made me way too sad + after mika and ethan’s breakup i feel kinda weird having her play such a big role

however! i have written some other things in the meantime (all bnha au work) that i may or may not end up posting. i’m going to have them actually be beta read first so we’ll see how that goes over.   
thanks for all the positive feedback on this one it really helped me through quarantine :)


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